The biggest blessing

Every once in a while I'm left astonished as to how amazing God is.
Not to long ago I wrote about how hard it's been on me the whole we are not pregnant thing and how much I wanted to be.
Little did we know that God was planting that seed, He was getting everything ready for that special day.
Funny how sometimes we need to express our feelings and before we know it God had something bigger planed.
Were is this all leading to......

Im happy to report that we the Estradas are awaiting our first little baby!! 

Baby E will be coming in March

If I'm honest!

I have gone on and on about posting this, about opening up and talking about my feelings and I have honestly felt ashamed to talk about this openly on the web, but it goes against every reason I had when I decided to write about our family. When we decided that one day we would like for our kids to look back at our life before them and hopefully if this continues, with them too. It goes against the fact that I want to shelter my kids from all the bad things in the world, from bad news and many times from the hash reality of life in this world.

But then again what kind of kids will we be raising if we cover them from the hard reality that this world brings.

I heard on the radio a while ago a statement that shook me but a statement that we so often want to ignore. "Just like us our kids will make mistakes and they'll learn from them. Raising christian kids is knowing the battle and fight they'll have to overcome just like we did at a time but that is, that right there is what will make them strong followers of Christ" 

So I have and will take the time whenever possible to talk about the now. My now which to me is pretty but not at all how I want it to be just my reality.

Want being the key word there, as I mention in my last post, I tend to be a little selfish.

If you asked my right now what I want in all honesty I would have a long long list, but one thing that is way up in my list is a baby.

 Lately everybody is pregnant.. Friends, blogger, husband co-workers. Everybody is pregnant. 

It sounds so bad, just reading it makes me weak in my stomach. I sound horrible. Believe me, I'm happy for everyone who is expecting and I'm the first one to share the happiness, to ask how they are doing, I listen to everything they have to say and every hurt they have and I always finish with "aww that's great, I'm so happy for you, May God bless him/her" but I'm left being selfish. I'm left with questions and honestly with a knot in my throat as to why not me....

As as soon as that goes through my mind my Father tells me "its My time not yours"...... 

With all my heart I trust that. I believe it and try to understand that He has a perfect time for me but it doesn't stop it from being hard. it doesn't stop my tears, my stress, and it definitely doesn't take the knot in my throat away. 

It hard to be a Christian. Is hard to always know the truth but not always understand it, but I couldn't imagine my life being it different. I couldn't imagine my life with out Him. 

I choose to trust Him! Whether it be hard, easy or in the middle I know he will untie every

 knot, He will fulfill my desires.

I'm not saying its all a happy ending, that I'm going to magically stop feeling the way I do simply that it'll be okay!

And that enough of my pitty party. Hope everyone has a great and blessed weekend!

He is able

As I have mention here before we are trying to have a baby.

Is something that came with many conversation, many decision and many pauses.
In all honesty baby was a conversation that over the past 5 years we have had many times.
We talked about the name but we wanted to have this baby at our perfect time. We wanted to choose the date the baby would be born and when I was going to be pregnant.

After postponing it for a couple of months even years now that we have finally decided it that it was the right time here we stand about 3 months later and sadly no baby.

I've never imagined that it was going to be hard. I never imagined that it was going to take long at all. I expected it to be easy to be done in a month.

In all my sadness I found myself telling my husband "How can this be?" How can I be a month late and have a negative pregnancy test. A week later while laying in bed with my husband I got my period.
 At that moment I didn't know what to think..

My heart broke... My eyes filled with tears and everything I had hope for and every article that I had read came to mind. I felt dumb. I felt like I had tricked my own body to think that I was pregnant and the test were not registering it.

As I went back to bed I couldn't help but cry as I told my husband. His natural reaction through all of this process has been simply amazing. He encourages me and has been very supportive. I honestly cannot complain. This time around he did exactly what I needed. No questions asked he hugged me and promised that God had a bigger plan.

Is hard to imagine that it could ever  be this difficult, that it could ever take this long but according to statistics it really can take from 6 months to a year and we are not even close to either or.

We have kept trying and doing our homework is not hard at all.... but it is hard to see month after month. But then something hits me..the idea that I'm being too selfish, that I'm thinking this is rough, hard and find myself questioning what God has planned for my life when there are people out there going through rougher patches than we are.
When there are people that are suffering from loss, infertility and they have been at it for years and still have the faith to lift up their heads and continue on.

And today just today I read something that has changed the way I look at all of this.

  God is ABLE and He will do it when He thinks is right for our little family. Whenever the time maybe we will be ready for it.
With all my heart I believe that HE is able to do it, He is able to exceed all of my expectations.

HE IS ABLE!!

Weakness

In my weakness your power is made perfect. So I choose to be weak so there, in my deepest, weakest moment your power is made perfect making me stronger.

Our now..

Living today like it was your last day.. I feel like we hear that every day, from everyone but somehow we still don't do it.
We live our life regretting our choices from the past and /or not enjoying the present enough because we are worrying about tomorrow.

The bible says in Mathew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

When this year began I have to be honest I had , have, high hopes for it. For what it meant in our life as a family, as business owners and in the spiritual sense. I wanted to do it all. Become amazing at every single thing in my list of goals.
Well it took less than a week for me to realize that I had to take it slow. That I had to enjoy the moments as the were happening and not worry so much about them being perfect.

If you know me you know I'm a total worry wart.. Not about them happening or not, I put my trust in God, but about them happening as I had planned, including every detail.

So I worry if step B will happen before step A even though I shouldn't, I know God has the perfect timing for them but the type A person that I am does worry....

Knowing all that I know will I, or we as a matter of fact, stop planning?
NEVER and I say that with certainty, but I have learned to love our now...

Just the two of us.. No kids, no pets and only putting our eyes on God.

10 things you'll realize when you work with children

1. You know a bath at 8 am means blowout to the extreme.
2. you hear can I have a bite 100 x per day over a slice of toast
3. you'll be informed of everything mommy and daddy tell them
4. when they say mommy eat my baby means that mommy is pregnant
5. you hear something along the lines of "i'm minnie" or "i'm sofia" about 1000 x per day
6. they can have a deep conversation about the size of their BM
7. you know you need wipes 24/7
8. the phrase "dont eat your buggies" or "stop picking your nose" is said 1000 x per day
9. you'll become the best doctor ever because one kiss makes everything better
10. and most importantly no matter how bad your day is one snottie, mouth full of food "sugar" makes you all warm and gushy inside.

High School Friends

I remember high school like it was yesterday! I remember hating it and loving it at the same time.

Yep we had that love-hate relationship but in all honesty it was more of a hate thing! 

Waking up early was the worst. ( to realize that in real life some times people, like myself, have to go to work earlier) 

The teachers oh man.. What a pain. Now I was blessed enough with some amazing teachers that I will say. 

But there were two girls that made it all worth it... Two girls that made my mornings, mid-days and afternoon. 

They were and still are a huge part of my heart! 

Heres comes the HUGE but... 

BUT things change. People change.

Those two girls are now women (such am i) and our schedules are busy. With work and school we hardly have time to breath none the less go out. 

Do I miss them? With all my heart! Do i want to make time and spend like before hours and hours on the phone with them talking about nothing? Yes!  Do I desperately want to spend a whole day with them just being us, the crazy us?Absolutely. Is it going to happen anytime soon? Not likely....

Its hard to realize that we are getting older. Is hard to comprehend that the people we once were is not even remotly close to the people we are now. I love those two girls like sisters but sadly things have changed too much that if and when we hang it I know for a matter of fact it will never be the same!

I will forever be the boring christian girl ( man woman. I keep forgetting I'm old now)    

I will forever be the girl who will not i repeat WILL NOT step a foot in a bar or a any place where there is music loud enough for me not to hear my own voice. Yep thats boring me, and I wouldnt have it otherwise. 

I wish we could go back in time for just one day and hangout in the back of the school just talking about our future! The schools we planned to attended, the dreams we had about our life. Everything silly we talked about! All of that! I wish for one day we could all skip school while 9th, 10th and 11th grade were taking their test to go to subway and ride in Ana's car all over the town! 

I wish we could have one day, like that one, again. 

But realizing that we have to grow up and accept the fact that we are all diferent now that we have all changed who we are and what we want out of life is the hardest thing ever. These two girl will always, ALWAYS, be in my heart! I will love them forever and ever as cheesy as that sounds. And one day when we finally all sit together and hang out I will tell them how much I still love them and how much they mean to me.