He is able

As I have mention here before we are trying to have a baby.

Is something that came with many conversation, many decision and many pauses.
In all honesty baby was a conversation that over the past 5 years we have had many times.
We talked about the name but we wanted to have this baby at our perfect time. We wanted to choose the date the baby would be born and when I was going to be pregnant.

After postponing it for a couple of months even years now that we have finally decided it that it was the right time here we stand about 3 months later and sadly no baby.

I've never imagined that it was going to be hard. I never imagined that it was going to take long at all. I expected it to be easy to be done in a month.

In all my sadness I found myself telling my husband "How can this be?" How can I be a month late and have a negative pregnancy test. A week later while laying in bed with my husband I got my period.
 At that moment I didn't know what to think..

My heart broke... My eyes filled with tears and everything I had hope for and every article that I had read came to mind. I felt dumb. I felt like I had tricked my own body to think that I was pregnant and the test were not registering it.

As I went back to bed I couldn't help but cry as I told my husband. His natural reaction through all of this process has been simply amazing. He encourages me and has been very supportive. I honestly cannot complain. This time around he did exactly what I needed. No questions asked he hugged me and promised that God had a bigger plan.

Is hard to imagine that it could ever  be this difficult, that it could ever take this long but according to statistics it really can take from 6 months to a year and we are not even close to either or.

We have kept trying and doing our homework is not hard at all.... but it is hard to see month after month. But then something hits me..the idea that I'm being too selfish, that I'm thinking this is rough, hard and find myself questioning what God has planned for my life when there are people out there going through rougher patches than we are.
When there are people that are suffering from loss, infertility and they have been at it for years and still have the faith to lift up their heads and continue on.

And today just today I read something that has changed the way I look at all of this.

  God is ABLE and He will do it when He thinks is right for our little family. Whenever the time maybe we will be ready for it.
With all my heart I believe that HE is able to do it, He is able to exceed all of my expectations.

HE IS ABLE!!

Weakness

In my weakness your power is made perfect. So I choose to be weak so there, in my deepest, weakest moment your power is made perfect making me stronger.

Our now..

Living today like it was your last day.. I feel like we hear that every day, from everyone but somehow we still don't do it.
We live our life regretting our choices from the past and /or not enjoying the present enough because we are worrying about tomorrow.

The bible says in Mathew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

When this year began I have to be honest I had , have, high hopes for it. For what it meant in our life as a family, as business owners and in the spiritual sense. I wanted to do it all. Become amazing at every single thing in my list of goals.
Well it took less than a week for me to realize that I had to take it slow. That I had to enjoy the moments as the were happening and not worry so much about them being perfect.

If you know me you know I'm a total worry wart.. Not about them happening or not, I put my trust in God, but about them happening as I had planned, including every detail.

So I worry if step B will happen before step A even though I shouldn't, I know God has the perfect timing for them but the type A person that I am does worry....

Knowing all that I know will I, or we as a matter of fact, stop planning?
NEVER and I say that with certainty, but I have learned to love our now...

Just the two of us.. No kids, no pets and only putting our eyes on God.

10 things you'll realize when you work with children

1. You know a bath at 8 am means blowout to the extreme.
2. you hear can I have a bite 100 x per day over a slice of toast
3. you'll be informed of everything mommy and daddy tell them
4. when they say mommy eat my baby means that mommy is pregnant
5. you hear something along the lines of "i'm minnie" or "i'm sofia" about 1000 x per day
6. they can have a deep conversation about the size of their BM
7. you know you need wipes 24/7
8. the phrase "dont eat your buggies" or "stop picking your nose" is said 1000 x per day
9. you'll become the best doctor ever because one kiss makes everything better
10. and most importantly no matter how bad your day is one snottie, mouth full of food "sugar" makes you all warm and gushy inside.

High School Friends

I remember high school like it was yesterday! I remember hating it and loving it at the same time.

Yep we had that love-hate relationship but in all honesty it was more of a hate thing! 

Waking up early was the worst. ( to realize that in real life some times people, like myself, have to go to work earlier) 

The teachers oh man.. What a pain. Now I was blessed enough with some amazing teachers that I will say. 

But there were two girls that made it all worth it... Two girls that made my mornings, mid-days and afternoon. 

They were and still are a huge part of my heart! 

Heres comes the HUGE but... 

BUT things change. People change.

Those two girls are now women (such am i) and our schedules are busy. With work and school we hardly have time to breath none the less go out. 

Do I miss them? With all my heart! Do i want to make time and spend like before hours and hours on the phone with them talking about nothing? Yes!  Do I desperately want to spend a whole day with them just being us, the crazy us?Absolutely. Is it going to happen anytime soon? Not likely....

Its hard to realize that we are getting older. Is hard to comprehend that the people we once were is not even remotly close to the people we are now. I love those two girls like sisters but sadly things have changed too much that if and when we hang it I know for a matter of fact it will never be the same!

I will forever be the boring christian girl ( man woman. I keep forgetting I'm old now)    

I will forever be the girl who will not i repeat WILL NOT step a foot in a bar or a any place where there is music loud enough for me not to hear my own voice. Yep thats boring me, and I wouldnt have it otherwise. 

I wish we could go back in time for just one day and hangout in the back of the school just talking about our future! The schools we planned to attended, the dreams we had about our life. Everything silly we talked about! All of that! I wish for one day we could all skip school while 9th, 10th and 11th grade were taking their test to go to subway and ride in Ana's car all over the town! 

I wish we could have one day, like that one, again. 

But realizing that we have to grow up and accept the fact that we are all diferent now that we have all changed who we are and what we want out of life is the hardest thing ever. These two girl will always, ALWAYS, be in my heart! I will love them forever and ever as cheesy as that sounds. And one day when we finally all sit together and hang out I will tell them how much I still love them and how much they mean to me.

Please dont grow too fast.

Last week Lester and I went on our yearly vacation but I have to be honest, I enjoyed it so much but I missed my kiddos too.

On my first day back I had a blast but I couldn't help but think,man they grew so much in one week....?

The best part of my job is that I get to see sweet little faces every day. I get to see them grow and learn, explore and do new things on a daily basis.
Something I look forward to with my own kids.

But in one week, honestly, such a short time how can they grow so fast?
Their little legs and arms were longer. Their torso was leaner and my chubby baby cheeks seem to be disappearing.
How can this happen so fast... and does it happen each and every week?

Man it can be... and I'm not even mentioning their mental growth.

I know is a part of life, I know they'll grow each day but it seems more obvious once we are not there to see it.
Which leads me to a bigger dilema...

My kids, my future kids, will the grow this fast?
Or faster as time seems to go by faster and faster as the years pass by?

It just makes me wonder will I blink and have a 5 year faster than I can say goodnight baby?

I know it doesn't happen that fast but life gets busier and I don't want to miss a thing. I desperately hope to be the mom who is always there. The mom that one day will take her 5 year old and rock him or her to sleep just because I can.

The mom that wakes up early to feed her 16 year old breakfast just to enjoy the family time.

But most importantly I hope to one day be the parents that say we didn't miss a thing. We were there. We say it all. We EJOYED it all. Each an every second with them.

Because I know one day our sweet baby boy won't want mommy to hold his hand or our sweet baby girl will be a teenager and won't want to spend every second of her day with mommy or by that means daddy.

So baby E don't grow too fast... Please oh please let mama and papa enjoy you, every second of you, every inch of you and when your older let me kiss you 100 times again. Let papa swing you in his arms again and let us tell you 1000 times a day " I love you to the moon and back" with it ever embarrassing you.

Letter to baby E: abuelito don efra

Written January 14


Almost 6 years ago I met an amazing man...
A man called Efrain  more known as Don Efra.
This man loved to make everyone laugh. He loved to dance. He loved to tell jokes and he loved sweets.

My first time meeting him is lost in my memories but I remember thinking of him as a serious man. To my surprise he was nothing like that....

He was your great-grandfather.

A man that I loved and still love very very much.

A man that just the simple thought of him makes me laugh and cry the same time.

A man that showed me how to dance... A dance that almost left both us in the floor but a dance that is now the subject of many belly laughs

A man that man that one day took my by the hand and asked me to call him grandpa.This is and forever will be my most beautiful memory of him....

Your daddy and I had just gotten married and he sat next to me, grabbed my hand and said " so sweety what are you going to call me?" me being the shy person that I was back then (nowhere to be found now) turned red faster than I could describe and he caress my hand and told me the following, something that stayed in my heart and will always will. He told me "you have to call me grandpa" that made my day. It made my month....

From that day one my love for him grew more and more. Its very hard to describe but the way he was made it so easy to love him..

He always had great stories to tell.... and lets not talk about the jokes... He spent the whole time making us laugh. I dont remember a time where we sat at the table and we didnt laugh.

He love your daddy very, very much.....

But today, today January 14, 2014 he has gone to a better place..

It bring tears to my eyes as he was such , such a great man and my heart desired so much for you to have met him. I know he would have been an amazing great grandfather.

I promise to tell you all about him.. To tell you how much we love him and how much he desired to meet you. How frenquetly he asked about you and how many times he expressed his love for you.

Baby E today he has left this earth but not our heart and you will hear us talking about him so much as he was and still is a great grandpa to you papa and myself, a great dad to you abuelo and abuela and a great husband to your great grandmother.....