I have gone on and on about posting this, about opening up and talking about my feelings and I have honestly felt ashamed to talk about this openly on the web, but it goes against every reason I had when I decided to write about our family. When we decided that one day we would like for our kids to look back at our life before them and hopefully if this continues, with them too. It goes against the fact that I want to shelter my kids from all the bad things in the world, from bad news and many times from the hash reality of life in this world.
But then again what kind of kids will we be raising if we cover them from the hard reality that this world brings.
I heard on the radio a while ago a statement that shook me but a statement that we so often want to ignore. "Just like us our kids will make mistakes and they'll learn from them. Raising christian kids is knowing the battle and fight they'll have to overcome just like we did at a time but that is, that right there is what will make them strong followers of Christ"
So I have and will take the time whenever possible to talk about the now. My now which to me is pretty but not at all how I want it to be just my reality.
Want being the key word there, as I mention in my last post, I tend to be a little selfish.
If you asked my right now what I want in all honesty I would have a long long list, but one thing that is way up in my list is a baby.
Lately everybody is pregnant.. Friends, blogger, husband co-workers. Everybody is pregnant.
It sounds so bad, just reading it makes me weak in my stomach. I sound horrible. Believe me, I'm happy for everyone who is expecting and I'm the first one to share the happiness, to ask how they are doing, I listen to everything they have to say and every hurt they have and I always finish with "aww that's great, I'm so happy for you, May God bless him/her" but I'm left being selfish. I'm left with questions and honestly with a knot in my throat as to why not me....
As as soon as that goes through my mind my Father tells me "its My time not yours"......
With all my heart I trust that. I believe it and try to understand that He has a perfect time for me but it doesn't stop it from being hard. it doesn't stop my tears, my stress, and it definitely doesn't take the knot in my throat away.
It hard to be a Christian. Is hard to always know the truth but not always understand it, but I couldn't imagine my life being it different. I couldn't imagine my life with out Him.
I choose to trust Him! Whether it be hard, easy or in the middle I know he will untie every
knot, He will fulfill my desires.
I'm not saying its all a happy ending, that I'm going to magically stop feeling the way I do simply that it'll be okay!
And that enough of my pitty party. Hope everyone has a great and blessed weekend!
